 I grew up in a Christian home that many would say was the balanced version of the American Dream: Mom stayed home, Dad worked, they both served in the church and community; they rarely argued, and we kids were happy, normal, and barely rebellious. We were the Canadian version of the Cleavers.
But in all of that, my brother and I never had the impression that our family was the most important thing to our parents. Instead, we grew up understanding that serving Christ was the most important thing to my parents, and that it should be to us as well. Both of them took turns watching their children during many evenings while the other was out serving Christ somewhere. For us, that was the norm.
That's why when I entered adulthood and began to hear Christians suggest that this was unhealthy, I was a little confused. What was unhealthy about it, I wondered? Well apparently, according to "them", it was my parents' inclination to put church service ahead of family events. "Family life should always come first", they argued, "because there are too many abandoned kids coming out of homes these days, and your first priority should be your family. What are you telling your kids if you're always out at a church meeting somewhere? You're building bad memories." And armed with Dr. Dobson's personal blessing, this became the mantra of an entire generation (or two) during the '70s and '80s. "Turn Your Heart Toward Home" they were taught.
But as I spread my own parenting wings, partly buying into this philosophy during this era, I kept hearing the words of Christ in the back of my mind: "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple." (Luke 14:26-27). What did He mean by this? Why did it keep nagging at me as I turned down many church opportunities in order to keep my heart focused on my home? How did the Dobsonites deal with this passage?
I won't answer that last question here, but let me show you what God has taught me. When you look at the context of these words, Christ is speaking of God's great invitation to enter His Kingdom and participate fully in it. He had just spoken the parable of the Great Feast where the king has invited men and women everywhere to join him in his feast. But many had excused themselves because of work or family. Apparently those things were more important to them than entering the palace and "dining-like-never-before" with the king. Then immediately after this parable Jesus utters those famous words, "you must hate your father/mother/wife/kids, or you cannot enter the Kingdom". Good grief! That's a little harsh, and it certainly isn't PC in the current Christian Culture. What did He mean?
.....this, I believe: we must never allow our affection for our parents, spouse, kids, etc., to cloud our judgment and color our decisions when Christ calls us to follow Him in service.
God calls us to put Him, and service to Him, FIRST. Everything else must come second. This is made clear by Jesus' words, not only in Luke 14, but also to the rich man who couldn't part with his wealth, and the seeker who wanted to bury his father before following our Lord. Family and/or the pursuit of wealth must take a back seat to following Christ! THIS IS CHRIST'S CLEAR TEACHING. And sometimes this means that family will be left behind altogether, or that family events will be canceled, plans altered, etc., in order to be obedient to the call of the Master.
My parents did this, and we all thought it was normal. We kids weren't emotionally abandoned or robbed of great childhood memories. Instead some of my best memories are of activities and functions at the church; our home full of Christian friends; and parents who were dedicated to serving Jesus Christ. It played a great role in my own spiritual development and helped to lead me into pastoral ministry.
Family First? I'm still not convinced. While Dr. Dobson was trying to correct the wild swing of the pendulum away from family development during the rise of the me-first Baby Boomer generation, I think it has swung too far in the other direction. Today I see God's work languishing as many parents have chosen soccer games over worship services, and music classes over Christian kids clubs.......all the while cultivating the notion in their children that their growth in Jesus Christ is less important than putting a ball into a net or joining a symphony orchestra.
Oh, that the Body of Christ would learn to live with a healthy balance between two extremes!
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