Sometimes we evangelicals give the impression that when you receive Christ into your life He will begin to bring healing and peace to your home. For those secular parents that are going through serious conflict with their spouse or kids it can be tempting to convert to Christ on that "promise" alone. But as they may soon discover, receiving Christ is no guarantee that our marriage will suddenly improve or that our children will suddenly fall into line -- especially if the other parties still don't know Christ. Instead, what Jesus gives us is a growing strength of character, determination, and inner peace to deal with the conflict in a healthier way.
Jesus warned us that His presence in a home can actually increase conflict: "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." (Matthew 10:34). I know this first-hand. My three kids are in their twenties now, but I still have the two youngest ones living at home.
Our middle child (23) is a single mom who lives in our basement suite. She has been an ongoing challenge to my wife and me. She has been rebellious for as long as I can remember, and has continued to reject Christ and His love for her. Watching her lifestyle has been very painful for us. The bar scene is an important part of her life. We have tried our best to love her unconditionally and support her, but it hasn't always been easy. Our faith in Christ seems to be a burr in her saddle and there are a lot of cold moments and/or confrontations. In fact, there's nothing quite like our daughter's behaviour to put my wife and I on edge with each other, because we don't always agree on how to handle things. Our daughter's presence in our home has led to many battles over the years.
I just finished preaching a series on the Book of Revelation, and as we wrapped it up yesterday we looked at the new heavens and the new earth. Jesus promises us that in that setting there will be total peace. There are many days that I long for that. No more tears; no more crying; no more mourning; no more pain.
How does God achieve that? Simple. God says that "nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life." (Revelation 21:27)
We have learned that impurity, deceitfulness, and shameful behaviour in our home can lead to continued conflict. An easy solution would be to ask the offendor to hit the road. And we've done that in the past, just for the sake of our sanity. But, frankly, I don't know how God makes that work. He says that in that day "the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, and idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood will stay outside" of the New Jerusalem(Revelation 22:15). We tried that a few years ago and our heart just ached for our daughter as we watched her self-destruct. I'm not sure how God will be able to put all those loved ones out of His mind when that day finally comes.
Of course, in our situation we believe that the simple solution would be that she repent and and receive the Lord Jesus Christ. That would make things much easier in our home. It wouldn't mean instant peace for all of us, but with the Holy Spirit guiding her we would be closer to "heaven" than we are right now. But our daughter's heart seems to remain hard, and like many of you out there we wait on God to finally penetrate it.
I pray for those of you who are experiencing a war at home. I pray that God will give you the strength of character to deal with your conflict in a Christ-like way until He returns. And I pray that He will begin to transform the hearts of those who are bringing darkness and pain into your life.
Did you know that God's heart is that we would long to be home with Him? I suspect, however, that many of us are far too busy trying to construct the perfect family experience to have that heavenly longing. But here's a quick reality check: as long as sin, darkness, and deceit are dwelling together with righteousness, there will be ongoing conflict. Of course, if everyone lives for Christ it will be easier to deal with, but for the majority of us who don't have that privilege it will be a long, hard road. And I honestly believe that sometimes God permits this pain to continue because He wants to sharpen our longing to be home with Him.
May God give you and me the strength and grace to endure until we get there. Labels: Grace, home |
